up hijos

I did this one entry just to say one simple thing: “mahal ko ang UP HIJOS”. All that is. No buts, no ifs, no explanations required, and no further questions.

And since hindi na rin nagpakita si logbook sa akin, I’ll just write the other things here though I know for a fact na baka hindi nio rin to mabasa.

Messages to each and every one:

GB – Job well done. konti na lang. Nd you’re done… weee!!!! You really had a good job GB! Saludo ako sa ‘yo at sa lahat ng accomplishments!!! We all know how hard it all was to be in such thing sobra naming naappreciate ang lahat ng sacrifices, understanding, compassion sa lahat, and for being such nice nice GB!

Ada – ate Ada.. my malaking point ang mga brods and sises kapag sinasabi nilang pra kaming table na mawawalan ng isang paa sa pag-alis mo… pero, I wish you all the luck, sana soon enough, Makita kitang mas masaya pa. Ang success mo ay success naming lahatJ

Yvet – Ayan, good luck sa panibagong struggle!!! We understand the big big challenge ahead. Alam naming kung gano kahirap yon. This is so it… you are such a strong person and I know that with all the strength that you have, kayang kaya mo yan!!! Salamat sa willingness to sacrifice. .

Ten ten ten – kambal. Ayan, yung quote natin, “halos walag pinagkaiba, di ba?!” hehe…ayun, tnx for being so jolly jolly.. salamat din sa paniningil ng walang pakundangan kahit hindi ako mapagbayad ng funds. I look forward for another year to be spend with you.

Chloe – my shoe size is 7 ½ tas small-medium ang blouse ko… Ayaw ko sa na ng German voylet pero kung gwafo, pwede na rin!! Hehe.. I’ll surely miss your presence sis! Pero wag mo ko mashado mamiss ha… and please have some time to sleep..

Malane – si Malene, sabi nga nila, her heart is as soft s her hands.. nakz! Hehe… Salamat sa lahat ng concerns mo neh…kelan kaya magbubunga ang lahat ng paghihirap at effort ntn? Kelan kaya magiging enough ang lahat? …soon.

Julie – ate Julie.. tnx, dahil sa’yo I’ve learned to appreciate how tall I am.. hehe.. salamat sa libreng Cheers na suhol mo sa min ni Lei.. tnx for always brightening up the day with all your smiles.. ganda ng hair mo, idol ko..

Lovely (day) – you always make our day so lovely love!! Wehehe!!! Ayan, musta na si 38? Thank you sa lahat lahat. Madaming bagay yon kpag inenumerate ko lahat. Tama sila kapag sinasabi nilang ang bait bait bait mo… sobrang bait mo talaga.. and only few people deserve that word.

Jalene – si jalene, girlfriend ko sa Hijos.. ano, ilan na ang yes at no sa stat?! Hehe.. pinahamak mo ko ng big time sis, langya, nakikinita ko na ang hirap ko sa mundo dahil sa ginawa mo… hehe love you pa rin! Salamt din sa pagtuturo sa madaming bagay sis..

Neil – Kuya Neil – salamat sa notebook at Pilot Gtec ko na winala mo.. nxt time, wag ka na sana maaamaze sa mga bagay bagay, napapagastos ka tuloy.. hehe.. btw, ngtitinda ako ng murang USB, tsinelas, diskette, at kung ano ano pa. Order now! Congrats pala, hindi ka na estudyante.. and btw, salamat sa concerns at pang-aasar mo sa late naming paper..hehe..pero salamat talag esp sa comfort…

Lei – roommate kong nagkataong nagging ninang ko din (hehe, ako pala namili sa kanya). Hay naku, kung ganto rin ang mangyayari senyo, mangangamurit din kayo, nakakahawa siya, promise! Hehe.. pero after all, super bait niyang ninang kase di talaga niya ko pinabayaan. Super wala ako masabi.. Salamat ha, at sa ibang marami pang bagay.. at as in sobrang dami non!

Ces – Si ces, kahit di niya wari, she’s doing so much in making this world a better place to live in and making pampanga a more pleasurable place to stay. And by the way, one best thing that I lve about this girl, hanep sa food trip!!! Basta pagkain, we’re tgether living ever after.. hehe.. kain muna bago ang lahat!

Shela – She… sis, salamat sa pagdamay mo sa min sa chem. Review night.salamat sa pagiging classmate sa 150. salamat sa kabaliwan mo.. salamat din sa mga bagay at time na pinagshare-an natin together..

Mhui – hi girlfriend! Buti na lang ikaw sa Fshionista.. you have all the attitude.. astig! Sobrang galling mo! Good luck say o at sa mga adventures ds summer… good luck din sa lovelife.. hehe

Kim – with the curly hairs and the aura of the beach, ang galling mo talaga sis!!! Salamat sa warmth and acceptance. Goodluck sa,..um…alam mo na..saka kase andami nila, hindi ko alam whose name I should write here.

Jenny – jenny jen jen. Salamat for so many things! Thanks for all the partnerships that we had.. sobrang dami na nga talaga nila.. to think, batchmates pa tayo.. you’re the best partner that I can ever have! Kakayanin natin ang lahat!!!! Good luck sa mga future struggles natin na susuungin together. . .i cant imagine life without you being my partner for all those times…

Mike – salamat sa lahat ng concerns mo…and most especially, tnx sa humor that made stress fade away so easily. Salamat for letting us see the less complicated side of ever complicated matters, pinagagaan mo ang lahat..

Special mention pala kay ate ninja (gandang name noh?) & kuya Arvin nung mga time na stress kami dahil akala naming marereject yung 171 paper naming ni Prof Davis.. hehe. . .buti na lang my lwd p kau non neh…

Ayan, natapos din ang isang sem with you guys. Sobrang hirap ng pinagdaanan nating lahat pero naapreciate ko lahat nun kse all those times, andun kayong lahat.. J

Today is March 8

Today is March 8. so, how does being twenty-een feell?!
Um.. I actually feel larger.. hehe!!!!

march 7 pa rin ulet

The day went totally all right after all. Over all, this year`s actually better than lst year… yah, this day was so unexpected… weee……….!!!! Im so happy.

it was so weird because I suddenly found myself making libre!!!! Waaa!!! Hehe… but still felt good although it was so sudden. Wmaala ako talagang actually na budget for blow outs and all pero hayun ako, bigla-biglang nag-aaya naman na ng dinner.

Pero siguro thankful lang ako sa isang unexpected happy day kaya nadala akong manlibre. Slamat sa mga gumising ng 12 para sa swak na greeting, saka sa ibang nag-abalang mag greet sa kin. Kait walang gift ok lang.. tas nung umaga, nung gnrit ako ni Penshoppe, nagulat ako sa gift nya… my golly! Ginawa nya ko ng isang nobelang nakalagay sa isang malaking envelope.. waaa… naiyak iyak naman daw ako… to think busy days kme on those times e naisingit pa nya ako gawan ng pagkahabahabang nobela. Tapos sa amniwala kat hindi, puro pang uuto.. my golly!!! Ako naman, nauto rin.. haha.. lahat pinaniwalaan ko… wehhehehe… grabe yun pen…nakakatouch kse kwinento nya ang history ng friendship naming ince the first day na nagkaroo kme ng connect.. that was during our enrollment nung first year.. and you wouldn’t belive it.. antalas ng memory ni lola pen!!! Yung mga suot at lines naming dueing conversations memorize pa din nia!!! Grabe noh?! Hehe…

Tapos, after our STS class, Jen approached me, my nilalabas sha from her bag,,,nagulat ako my gift ako sa kanya..wehehe!!! my gift na naman ako, ansaya!! Indi ko din kse inexpect.. naalala ko, may promise pala kame sa isa’t isa ni Jen na kapag magbibigay kme ng gift sa isa’t isa, book ang bibigay namin… mahilig kse si Jenny (at ako) sa book, sa literature, basta sa kung anong may sense na mga bagay. hndi ko pa nababasa yung book pero knowing that it was jen’s choice, maganda yun for sure. . . excited na nga ako basahin yun eh.. hinihintay ko lang na matapos na ang mga gawain sa school, yun bang tawag dun, “sweet torture” na dala ng UP sa mg studyante niyang tinatangi.. wehehe…

Tapos ayun… ayw ko sana maglunch dahil baka mapalibre ako ng di oras, wala pa namanlg kase akong pera. May field trip pa kse.. pero hindi ko na rin napigil ang gutom ko… wehehe… napakai na rin ako ng di oras.. ayun kumain kame nina Pen sa Enyeh… tas sakto, kasaby ko sina Yas sa pila… hehe… napagastos tuloy si Yas ng librang coke sa kin… baliktad noh? Nahiya nga di ako ng konti talaga.. pero hindi umubra ang supposed to be super efo ko at nagmanifest ang id which is ang katakawan kong walang humpay. Yas, thanks sa libre! Heeh… I owe you one.. hehe…

Tapos my Language class pa ako after lunch.. nauna na akng pumasok with Pen.. tapos, pumasok ng room si Love and Jen… tas ayun… nkiseatmate ako kay love.. tas before tha class started, she gav me something.. weee!!!! Ansaya…. Special din yung gift obra… ang ganda ganda… sabi ko nga sa kanya, I don’t deserve such gift… kse, feeling ko so expensive nin.. ayaw ko sana tanggapin…super ego na naman.. hehe.. pero since, we’re really really close friends naman, sige, pinagana ko nanmn ulet ang id ko… hehe..

Tapos ayun, mejo nakapagod ang class.. ang init kse ng classroom.. hindi ko alam bat kme lumipat from LRC to napakainit na room 14… tas naka Hijos shirt pa naman ako na oagkinit init tlg. Kahapon dapat ang orgshirt day kaso, nalimutan ko.. kaya sinamantala ko na din ang pagkakataon na isuot yon on my birthday para na rin magpapnsin…hehe…

I actually don’t want the day to end.. I am really feeling so euphoric.. tomorrow wont be my birthday anymore

today is march 7 pa rin

Ayun, birthday gurl pa rin ako ngayon.

Nasa school ako knina.. I tried with all my might to be happy and all.. Ayaw kong maspoil ang supposed to be na masayang birthday ko ng mga chorvang issue. Issue sa haus in particular.

Kung pede lang sana wag muna ako umuwi doon for this day para hindi maapektuhan ang happy birthday ko ng chaos na magaganap.. hindi pa rin kami nag-uusap ng beloved room mate kong si Lei. Ewan ko, basta ako, I think I did my part. Si Ces ang role na tagapamagitan, pero most of the time, pareho lang sila ni Lei, pag galit ung isa, galit din itong isa.. ganun, kaya torture. So, feeling ko nainternalize ko na ang hurt feelings ko towards them kaya ready na ako to let it go. Sa bahay din ako umuwi after all. Ready na ako to ignore every thing kase feeling ko I’ve had enough pain to live with. Besides, straight hair ako on my bday and so happy and absorbed sa bdae gift ni papa sa kin.

Ayun, pumasok ako ng bahay..I did the usual bukas ng pinto. Hindi ko na hinahagis, kase OK na naman ako, narelease ko na kumbaga ang lahat ng Painful chorva ko.

Tas I went to my room.. and then I saw something sa ibabaw na laptop ko. Something na sobrang ikinatuwa ko naman daw. I know what it was the first time I saw it kaya lang di ko muna sha binuksan agad, kase baka isipin nilang nababaliw na ako pag nagshift out of the blue ang mood ko..at napakababaw ko dahil isang gift lang pala ako..hehe, totoo naman..

Ayun, smile smile na ko around the house. Mahirap itago ang happiness.. hehe.. tapos after a while, nung feeling ko bumaba na ang momentum of surprise ko, inattendan ko na ang unexpected gift ko and… yeeeeey!!!! I have a cake! I have a cake!!!! Hihi… sarap sarap.. choco strawberry something ng red ribbon, hindi ko na tinandaan exactly kse wla naman ako balak bumili tlaga nun for myself.. tas may kasama palang personalized card ung cake, na gawa yta sa tirang visuals ni Lei sa report nya..

pero anyhow, sobra kong naapreciate yung card with all the chorva and all.. ayun, i was suddenly in a middle of some realization. Lagi kame magkaaway ni room mate. Pero, nga lang this time it was the hardest. Ung akala mo hindi na kme magbabati…feeling ko rin ginawa ko na ang lahat. I was almost ready to give up. Pero narealize ko, hindi ko rin yun kayang gawin. Sobrang powerful na ng attachment eh.. and I’m not ready to give up a friendship dahil lang sa mga misunderstandings that seem to be irresolvable. and by the way, hindi ako palaaway na tao, in fact si Lei nga lang ang nakakaaway ko at madalas among my friends. Sha rin lang ung nkkpgstand ako amidst sobrang complexity na ang naffeel ko.

Tapos, hindi pa rin kme nag-uusap ni room mate. Ako, on my part, hindi pa rin kase ko ready nung time na yon…siguro nawala na yung want ko to make up with her since feling ko, andami dami ko ng gnawa… kumabaga, ready ako to let the case rest muna for that time.

Tapos, nag-usap usap ang housemates sa issues. Naisip ko nung una na huwag na lang magsalita. I’ll let them speak on their own and do whatever they want to do.. pero it was hard for me pala.. malupit sa pakiramdam na hindi makiepal sa kanila, afterall,, hindi ko talaga kayang tiisin sila.. so niresolve na naming ang mga bagay bagay… and fortunately, ok naman ang outcome.

After the resolution, hinagisan ako ni Lei ng something, sweater nga ba yun? tas aun, we started talking na.. haha. Back to normal. Sabi na e, isang gift lang ako talaga. Hihi..

So just to set he record straight, bati na kami ni Lei. Napag-usapan naming, na huwag muna kami mag-aaway, kase mahal ang cake at maeffort magpunta ng Dau.

**

today is march 7

Today is March 7. Today is my twentieth birthday

Before I opened this computer, I had with me thoughts to write about my today`s birthday.
….some things are still bugging me though.. even if I try with all my might to get away from them. I feel rage yes, but at the same time, I feel compassion to the person. She`s my friend after all, although she may seem to forget that fact right now. I am currently with two people right now. Today is my birthday and no one has ever told me yet any single word. Hahaha!!!! Magkakasya na lang ako sa mga greetings na natangap ko kagabi at sa mga matatangap ko pa mamaya. I don’t think I have the reason to feel bad at all just because of these two people ignoring my birthday. Wehehe… alalang, so what?!! Hahaha!! Aco naman e2ng feeling insensitive sa mga pangyayari sa aking paligid… Teka, bat ba?! Minsan ko na itong ginawan ng paraan… pero what the hell???!!!! Wala namang nanyare eh…. Useless kumbaga. Siya itong lagging nagsasabi na im not acting my age pero siya naman itong immatutre… haaay… kundi ko lang talaga siya friend, hainaku…..

hainaku, as mush as I want to write more here, malamit na aco malate…

marian naman kase bday na bday mo, ang bitter ng thoughts mo… haii…


anyways, I look 4ward to a better march 7, 2006. :D

#####

so much for "hope" for the country

Slowly and little by little, I’m loosing hope for my country’s future. I am tired of expecting that soon enough, something good could happen and it would change the dreadful phase of a Philippine society where in currently I am living. I’m tired of a hopeful expectation because everywhere I turn, I see a more chaotic Philippines than a peaceful blissful place where one can soundly live (and listen happily as the birds sing underneath the tall trees ---weeee!). Among the most recent are the coup plots which caused UP a day of suspended classes which did not make me actually happy-we had 1 class that we had to attend. The landslide that happened in Leyte because of illegal logging sponsored by very prominent Philippine government officials is another big time hit. It caused the death of several hundreds of innocent lives (talk about real lives!).

By the way, WOWOWEEE will soon be aired again. Will you still have the nerve and enough sight capacity to again watch that show that lured people to death?!? Mygollygosh! Ang kapal ng mukha ng production! That show would even remind almost a hundred people’s loved ones of that stampede tragedy which welcomed death and made death possible among poor hopeful people. Does the production think that all the e-load businesses and the cell phones they gave away was enough? I really am so getting tired.
I think I should go to Palau right away and there find a greener pasture and a less disordered lifestyle. If only I could. I think I would.


And now I am left with very few things to be proud of my mother Pinas.
Think about Rustom Padilla. That was a nice one, e?!

bad dreams

I’ve been having bad dreams for several days
now. They are even becoming disturbing. Last night, I dreamt of these big
haunted houses. They are along my neighborhood. They are really huge houses
(like that of Forrest Gump) which seem to be distorted which make them spooky.
I’ve been to one of those houses in fact. I’m not sure. I think I’ve been
to more than one. They have these huge gates. One distinct in my memory is this
tall house with a huge black gate. I think I was trapped inside the house
and I was trying to get out. I was there, alone; wandering around its huge
surrounding. I was trying to run out with all my might but I just couldn’t
move.

I suddenly woke up at 2 AM. Found myself leaving my room and I went upstairs to sleep with Bless because of that strange feeling that I felt. I don’t know what was I afraid of exactly, I just didn’t want to be alone that time.

speaking of "state of emergency"

this is what you call state of emergency. . .

our country seeks to "grow" too.

happy birthday to me!

happy bday to me..

something that I should leave my self with - a happy happy bday.

may it be wonderful this year.

I love my STS class!

Parang nagpepenetrate na sa kin na mag e end na nga ‘tong sem na ‘to. Sandamakmak na naman kasing trabaho ang naghihintay… sa sobrang dami, feeling ko minsan naghahalucinate na ko… eto yung mga times na feeling ko, mataas ang tendency kong mag break down at kausapin na lang bigla ang sarili ko ng mag-isa… pero before that, kelangan ko muna siguro i-document ang top priorities ko para pag wala na akong mapagkuhaan ng katinuan, pakinabangan ko pa to..

psych 171:
march 6 – report
march 13 – long exam
march 21 - research paper due

chem. 16:
march 15 – long exam
march ? – finals

psych 150:
march 21 – research paper due
march? – carl rogers’ book review
yehheeeey!!!!! Wala ng 2nd exam!!!

psych 145:
march 11 – field trip
march 10 – long exam
march 21 – due book analysis

psych 135:
march 7 – article report
march ? – long exam
march 21 – research paper due

STS:
March 10 – report
March 21 – group discussion (finals)

hahahaha!!!! Ansarap mag disappear sa dami ng gagawin ko and to think…. Kelangan matapos ko lahat ng nakalista dyan in less than three weeks!!!!! Time is running..
dumdumdum….

Pero why do I love my STS class? Hehe…. I so so love it kase eto lang yung subject ko na parang tapos na yata ang haggard moments ko… konti na lang… tapos may party pa kme on the last day of the class sponsored by our prof! san ka pa?? parang nakakakita na ko ng mga litson at ice cream.. wehehehe… kaya nga magaang magtatapos ang class na ‘to.. da best talaga si Dr. Pizana.. sana lahat ng prof nagpapaparty at the end of the sem noh?!! Wekekeke.. asa.ako.

>my virtual model?!?

dream on marian, dream on! (wehehehe:)