bitter raindrops

I noticed that my eyes are getting unusually bigger. That only means two things: I am not my normal self at all and that I haven’t had enough sleep the past days. I actually miss my happy carefree self. Right now, I always get tired. Both my body and my brain are tired to hell.. but my brain is more tired I suppose because I don’t think it functions as properly as my body does.. maybe I get especially tired of striving, of thinking how to do it properly and in the manner sane in your eyes. If only I could keep all eyes from turning to me so that I wont have to watch myself anymore. I hate it so badly when people think they are better versions of people that when I try to make a list, I want tocrash some heads and powderize some bones. Oh my, now im acting a violent piece of cr*p… must be the effect of insanity running through each piece of neuron in my brain.

I got home past 8:30 this evening. The traffic was so heavy I almost lost my little space to breath. i got really hungry..

I haven’t heard the sound of my phone since cza and lei texted me after lunch time.. nothing really but it only seems unusual because I’m not in my usual texting when my phone’s subscribed to unli mode.. I just don’t feel like txting every one right now just to brag how pathetic I feel.

Im thinking about the weather. The weather’s ok today. Not too hot unlike a couple of days ago because the wind breeze kept on caressing my face when I walked on the streets around Nepo mall today. The raindrops are about to fall and the sky isn’t on its usual blue color. Its gray lifeless color seems to mark the end of a one hot but happy summer days. It makes me feel sad though, it adds up to my feel like crying melodrama because it feels that the earth sympathizes with what I feel. she’s waiting for my tears to fall down from my eyes to my cheeks because she knows by that time,she would have to send the rain down just so no one would see me crying…

I hate it when I ride jeepneys and strangers sit beside me. When I travel alone, which I always do, I usually make it to the point that I sit always beside the driver’s sit because there, I can act more carefree than when I stay at the back seats.. I feel like owning a place of my own sitting infront. but I so much hate when strangers sit beside me on that place which I seem to own.